Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Teen's First Break Up

When C first started dating, Hubby and I discussed that we would step back and allow C to be in this relationship with minimal interference from us.  She has seen a multitude of types of relationships from what she sees with her friends, various Aunts and Uncles, us, and her mother.  Now it was her chance to have a relationship and to form it in such a way that worked for her and her partner.  It gave us some time to observe her and to see that although she liked this guy, he didn’t come between her and her friends or family. It also didn’t change her.  These are good things.

The kids continued to date for a few months and we saw subtle behaviours on both sides that had us thinking that perhaps this relationship was not going to last much longer.  Then, it happened.  C received a text from her boyfriend making him her ex-boyfriend.

She was hurt about the break-up but she was more angered and disgusted with her ex for the way he went about it.  She felt betrayed, lied to, and very disrespected.  Respect is big in our home and disrespect often receives the worst punishments.  C deserves respect and she knows it, so for this boy to do this infuriated her. 
Of course we supported her and let her ride her emotions through this and offered to be there for her.  She spent a lot of time with her friends for comfort and we gave C as much time with her "besties" as possible. As a teen, I remember how important friends were and although parental support is essential, my girl-friends were priceless.  We kept an ear to the ground to see how C was progressing through this first experience.  I am happy to hear her say that she knows she doesn’t deserve to be treated that way and that this has not hurt her self-esteem at all.  Also, that she knows that it was ok for him to break up with her if he doesn’t want to be in the relationship any more, hurtful – but ok.

In the end, I’m very proud of her for the way she handled things and her attitude about moving forward and leaving him behind.  She didn’t post nasty things on any social media, and although she and her friends discuss it, she doesn’t seek him out to publicly humiliate him.  She doesn’t wish any harm to come to him, but also no longer has time to waste on him.  He’s part of her past that she’s learned from and even still thinks he’s a decent guy, just not for her.  I think for being fourteen, that’s pretty mature.

How did you handle your teen’s first break up?  How did your teen handle it?  Would you do anything different?

Take Care, D


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